Tips

Everyone has days when nothing seems to go right on farm or orchard. You can use a technique called ‘reframing’ to feel less negative and achieve better outcomes. To use it when you are in the heat of the moment – you could start by doing some deep breathing to help you calm down and focus.

1. Ask yourself if there are other explanations for what has happened that are less negative? For example, if someone was rude to you, were they just having a bad day? Or did you get overly defensive?
2. Get some perspective – take a step back and ask yourself ‘how important is this setback really in the overall scheme of things?’
   Talk to someone who will help you see any upsides and affirm your good qualities. Avoid people who are blamers and complainers.
3. Even if the situation is difficult, ask yourself if there is anything that you could learn from it so things go better in the future?
4. Ask yourself if there are other explanations for what has happened that are less negative? For example, if someone was rude to you, were they just having a bad day? Or did you get overly defensive?
5. Get some perspective – take a step back and ask yourself ‘how important is this setback really in the overall scheme of things?’
   Talk to someone who will help you see any upsides and affirm your good qualities. Avoid people who are blamers and complainers.
6. Even if the situation is difficult, ask yourself if there is anything that you could learn from it so things go better in the future?

When you’re feeling stressed out, your breathing patterns can become short and shallow, keeping your nervous system stuck in a high state of alert and starving your brain of the oxygen you need to stay calm and think clearly.

Using a simple deep-breathing technique like ‘box breathing’ is proven to reduce stress and anxiety levels in high-pressure situations.

Bos breathing gets its name from the four sides of a box. It involves breathing in for a count of four, holding your breath for a count of four, breathing out for a count of four and then holding your breath out for a count of four. Repeat this cycle ten times. At each stage of (1) breathing in, (2) holding, (3) breathing out, (4) holding, imagine that you are moving around the four sides of a box.

To get the full benefit of ‘box breathing’, it’s important that when you breath in you are doing this slowly and from deep in your lungs. Box breathing brings a sense of calm and relaxation by slowing down your heart rate, reducing stress hormones and increasing the oxygen levels in your body.

Taranaki dairy farmer Kane Brisco says, “When you focus on your breathing it calms you and engages your thinking brain again, it brings your heart rate down and gives you clarity… in those high pressure situations, when you’re under the pump, the adrenaline gets going and you get fired up, it’s important to be able to stay calm.”

We can change the way we think to be more helpful while still acknowledging the difficulties and challenges that we are facing. This is possible using a simple tool called Catch it, Check it, Change it.

When we notice something negative happening, it can trigger emotions such as frustration, anger or sadness. This can lead to a downward spiral where unhelpful thoughts, emotions and behaviours reinforce each other.

One way to break the cycle is by noticing the unhelpful thought and applying Catch it, Check it, Change it.

Catch it
When you get upset about a situation, imagine standing outside yourself and hitting the pause button. Take a deep breath. Name the emotions you are experiencing e.g. anger, frustration, feeling worked up and notice any impulses to behave in a certain way. Then see if you can ‘catch’ your thought.

Check it
Now examine the thought and decide if there is a more helpful interpretation without denying the reality of the situation. Try to be curious about what you are thinking, rather than assuming you have all the facts. We often decide that the thought we’re having is the one and only reality, whereas almost always there are a number of interpretations about what’s happening, or what someone meant by what they said. Helpful questions to ask yourself are – Is this thought really true? Is it helping me with my goal or the problem I am trying to solve? Is it worth it in terms of how it is making me feel or behave?

Change it
Once you have checked the thought and decided it is not helpful, then change the thought. More helpful thoughts will lead to easier emotions and calmer behaviours, which will help you problem-solve better. If you do discover that what you’re thinking is true, at least you have given yourself breathing space to think more clearly about the actions you need to take.

Applying the above technique helps us get better at understanding how our thoughts affect our emotions and behaviours and will ensure we are less prone to depression, anxiety and angry outbursts. It’s also good for our performance and productivity. It stops us getting bogged down mentally and makes it easier to make decisions under pressure.

In everyday life our brain uses its previous experiences, filtered through our five senses, to make quick assessments of the world around us. The human brain has evolved to quickly predict what might happen, not what actually is happening.

This explains why we might see a situation one way, but our neighbour or co-worker, might view it differently. It also explains why we sometimes have serious ‘blind spots’ or unhelpful biases in our decision-making.

Thinking biases have developed through human evolution to help our brains make quick decisions that were essential for our survival or to avoid bad things happening. The downside is that we still have an in-built ‘negative’ bias when we think about past, present or upcoming events.

This means when people think about a situation:

• they’re often more motivated by fear than optimism.
• they’re more likely to look for bad news than good news.
• they over-estimate the negative and under- estimate the positive.

Thinking biases can trap us into negative spirals that make us feel even worse when we’re under stress. Three common thinking traps are:

Black and white thinking – Black and white thinkers view the world in terms of extremes – things are either all good or all bad, when real life is seldom that clear-cut.

Over-generalising – People who over-generalise think that something that has happened before will occur over and over again, when in reality any number of outcomes are possible.

Catastrophizing – People who catastrophize jump to the worst-case scenario which leads them to worry about things that may never happen.

What these thinking traps have in common is that people are making assumptions about what will happen without first checking the facts or gaining the full picture of what’s really going on. That only adds to the stress they are feeling. Once you’re aware of these thinking traps and avoid them, your day will go a lot smoother.

In times of stress, prioritise your attention on things that are going to boost your mental health, not make you feel anxious and depressed.

You can achieve this by hanging out with people who are positive, inspirational or helping others rather than those who are overly negative, pessimistic or judgemental. It’s been said that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

It’s also worth reflecting on who is trying to take your attention. The attention economy is a huge business with all manner of phone apps, social media and entertainment platforms, all wanting to take our attention as part of their business model, but without necessarily having our best interests at heart.

Of the millions of bits of information our brain takes in each day, we can only pay attention to a tiny fraction of them. So, what you choose to focus on has a big impact on how effective you will be.

Finding the time to recharge mentally and physically can be a challenge when you work on a farm or orchard.

The to-do list never gets any shorter and the temptation is always to move on to the next task at hand.

Here’s a great tip from Nelson pipfruit grower Hamish Rush on how to schedule downtime activities – book a meeting with yourself.

“A big part of keeping well for me is getting off site and getting active. Doing things that work a sweat up. I’m an outdoors guy. I’m a snowboarder, skier, water skier, mountain biker, gym bunny and I’ve done a lot of running in the past – you name it, I’ve done it,” Hamish says.

“To be honest, in the first 20 years of my career, I didn’t prioritise it enough. But I worked out, after observing others who were better at it than me, that I needed to plan it.

“Nowadays I just book a meeting with myself so I can do what I need to do to be the best me. When you say to people, ‘I’ve got a meeting at 4 o’clock and I can’t miss it’, they’re fine with it,” he says.

“By booking a meeting with yourself you’re creating the window that allows you to do what you need to do to refresh mentally and physically. I’ve learnt over the years that it’s really important to have that bit of time out that allows you to refresh and reset.”

A great way to relieve stress and worry is to work out what you can and can’t control on farm/orchard.

A trap that many of us fall into is worrying about something beyond our control. But worrying is not a solution. Maybe one time out of 10 our worry might lead to a solution, but it’s very inefficient and a big drain on our energy. It can also cause distraction, low mood and sleep loss.

It’s much more efficient to prioritise the things you can control and focus on them. This allows you to create an action plan and keep moving forward with a sense of control.

Activity:

• Grab a piece of paper.
• Divide the page in two and on one side list the things you feel you have some control over on farm/orchard and on the other side list the things you can’t.
• Aim to let go ‘mentally’ of the things you can’t control.

You may decide to include another column on your piece of paper called ‘Things I can influence’. Sometimes we can’t fully control a situation, but we can have some influence on it by what we could say or do.

It’s fair enough to complain if we get poor service or a bad product, but complaining about life is generally not so helpful.

Complaining can feel good in the short term, but it takes its toll on our wellbeing over time.

However, the reality is that we all need to vent sometimes. If you do need to vent, choose a trusted listener and tell them you just need to vent and aren’t looking for a solution.

Or complain but immediately follow up with a realistic solution that you can contribute to or make a formal complaint in writing if necessary. This will help you regain control of the situation.

“The analogy I like to use about managing the urge to complain is a tap – turn it all the way on and get things off your chest but then turn it all the way off, rather than leaving it on and it’s dripping the whole time. That’s an approach that works for me, so I don’t bottle things up, but I’m still able to manage those frustrations without getting bogged down.” Sam Whitelock.

One thing thats really helful when you’re feeling ‘under the pump’ is having a sense of purpose.

Having purpose and direction helps you prioritise what matters in life/work and allows you to walk away from thoughts, people or activities that don’t help where you are heading.

It’s also a key driver to staying motivated when things get tough and helps you set and meet short and long term goals. And best of all, it makes you feel like you are making a difference in the world, based on your values, personality and skill set.

Sometimes it can be hard to work out your purpose. let’s face it, sometimes it’s easier just to ‘go with the flow’ rather than consider why you are doing what you are doing. But in the long run, allowing other people or random circumstances to dictate what you do, can be a recipe for feeling lost and resentful.

Knowing your ‘why’ puts even the toughest day on farm or orchard into perspective, because you know why you are doing it.

A good way to get a wellbeing boost and stay connected is to start a conversation with a mate, or even a stranger.

It might be someone at the supermarket checkout, the farm supply store, or while you’re waiting in line somewhere. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Real-life conversations with people close to us, or even complete strangers, help us feel good and aware that we don’t have to deal with life’s challenges on our own.

Some tips include:

• be aware of their time (signal that the conversation will be short);
• ask for advice;
• give a compliment;
• ask open-ended questions;
• smile.

Real-life connections with people close to us, or even complete strangers, help make us feel good and aware that we don’t have to deal with life’s challenges on our own.

When you listen to someone properly it helps them feel more in control of their lives and therefore able to find their own solutions. You don’t need to solve their problems, simply listening can help change the way they feel about themselves and the situation they are in.

People worry about what to say when ‘being a good listener’, but the best approach is usually to say very little. So this makes it easier. Instead of worrying about saying the right thing, focus on the following:

• Put your judgements to one side. This builds trust and will get people talking more.
• Don’t jump in with your solutions. If you listen openly without interrupting, people will often find their own solutions as they hear themselves talk through a problem.
• Make sure you are really listening and not distracted by phones or your own thoughts. Use body language to show you are really listening.
• Focus totally on what they are saying, not rehearsing in your own mind what you want to tell them when there is a pause in the conversation.
• Allow for pauses in the conversation without getting uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter if there is some silence at the start. Leave space for people to feel comfortable and start talking.

Farming and growing can be a tough gig, so it’s understandable if people feel frustrated at times and get swept along by negative or unhelpful thoughts and feelings.

How you choose to interpret your thoughts will have a huge bearing on your mental wellbeing and how the day goes. Here are three different ways to interpret feeling frustrated and angry.

1. I’m angry – I am my thought or feeling. (This is most people’s default setting.)
2. I notice I’m having an angry thought or feeling. (Gives you some distance from the thought.)
3. I’m curious about why I’m having angry thoughts. (This gives you even more distance, and helps you manage unhelpful emotions much better).

As we go from 1- 3 our chance of having good mental health increases because we get distance from negative thoughts or feelings and don’t feel that ‘they are us’.

One way to think about it is that there are two of us in there. The first ‘me’ runs on default settings and tends to be reactive. The second ‘me’ is the one that can stand back and see the bigger picture and what’s best in the long run. The first me is controlled by impulsive thoughts and emotions, the second me guides thoughts and emotions more helpfully.

Many highly successful people, including in professional sport, use this approach, so they can overcome limiting thoughts and feelings. At the very least, take a breather each day to pause, assess your thinking and ‘reset’ as required.

The to-do list on the farm or orchard never gets any shorter. So how do you stop bringing the pressures of work back into your home?

One way is to have a transition ritual that helps you shift from one headspace to another, so that when you’re home you can switch off.

This is a tip that Steve Kearney, NZ Defence Force chief mental health officer, shared on The Big Check-In after the 2023 extreme weather events.

“It can be really useful to have what some people call a transition ritual after finishing work. It’s a way of triggering a shift to a different mode.

I’ve got a mate, he’s on the farm. Every day when he comes in, he’s quite deliberate. He comes in, takes his farm clothes off for the day, has a shower, and when he’s in the shower, if his mind goes to work stuff, he deliberately brings it back to ‘Okay, I need to be home with the kids. Who do I want to be at home?’

You know, just kind of deliberately parking that work stuff. And over time, his brain and his body have learned that this is a cue to put his attention somewhere else. And that can make a difference, right? So have that transition ritual at the end of the day, different clothes, different feel and do the same thing each time.”